• Jane Douglas

The Shock of Being Wrong

I recently read a statement in a magazine that changed my perspective forever! It said:

‘You can only be free when you are willing to go through the shock of seeing that you were wrong about yourself.’

I have been wrestling with a personal issue for a few months now, so this statement added a fresh perspective to my inquiry in that it made me wonder what assumption I had made about myself that was causing me to suffer so much.

I decided to take this perspective into my next visit to My Map to Freedom.

As I journeyed through the layers of the map, I got the same revelations I had on previous visits. The outer layer clearly showed me how proud and stubborn I was being, and I noticed how hurt, and abandoned I felt in the third layer, but somehow none of these revelations seemed to release the issue. I was stuck on a merry–go-round of thinking, feeling and reacting to this issue in my daily life.

It was only when I came to the centre of the map that things opened up. I stilled my mind and asked myself “What have I got wrong about myself? What assumption have I made about myself that is keeping me locked in this suffering?”

In a moment there it was…staring me in the face. The assumption that was keeping me locked in my suffering was that ‘I was right!’

I thought I was right to feel that I had been betrayed. I thought I was right to feel superior. I thought I was right period.

Thinking that I was ‘right’ and my friend was ‘wrong’, I had adopted the position of someone who had been wronged and from this position I could stay locked in the image of myself as a victim of the events that were happening around me.

The truth that was trying to emerge had been completely obscured by my righteousness. The truth was that ‘I was needy!’

I needed the friend I believed I had lost. I needed her strength. I needed her passion and I needed her love. Each time I told her I missed her I was actually saying ‘I need you.’

Since the events leading to our estrangement have happened I have pretended that I have it all together. That I am happy and in control, completely suppressing my need for her. But this forced, contrived stance was just driving a bigger wedge between us.

When I saw what was happening I felt the release that can only come with knowing the truth.

I sobbed and sobbed tears of release and when the tears had dried I knew that I had stepped off the merry-go-round once and for all and that the struggle and the pain had gone. All the resentment, hurt and anger were replaced with a profound sense of abiding love.

So, that small statement that ‘You can only be free when you are willing to go through the shock of seeing that you were wrong about yourself’ seems to contain more than a little truth. Or at least it did for me.

Since then I have noticed that we do not usually want to admit we might be wrong about anything especially when it comes to our self, and the result is that we avoid, deny and rationalise away the truth.

Admitting you are wrong about yourself is an act of courage, but it also an act of freedom.

What might have you got wrong about yourself, and how might it be keeping you trapped in suffering?


#SelfAwareness #Truth #EmotionalWounds #Relationships