The Meaning of Life
I know the meaning of life. The meaning of life is love.
And I have proof.
I know this because I know what it is like to feel that I am without love. To feel unloved and unwanted. To believe that not one single person in the whole world cares and that it wouldn’t matter if I wasn’t around. In fact, it might be better – because then I couldn’t do the things that made people hurt me. And I know what it is to feel that barely a ripple would result from me quietly sinking beneath the depths of my sorrow.
The isolation that came from feeling unloved left me so disconnected from other people that it was as if I almost disappeared and I became a kind of non-person, existing in a world where no-one else ventured, a different kind of being because I knew that I must be different to everyone else otherwise I would belong. I would be loved. I became smaller and less important and couldn’t even love myself until, bewildered and overwhelmed, I retreated from the very connection I yearned for, into my own world, erecting a series of barriers, desperately trying to hold on to my sense of identity and keep myself safe.
And the biggest barrier was the whole new me that I created. Another me that I could safely hide behind. A me that didn’t matter if she was hurt, harmed or rejected because no-one knew the secret – she wasn’t real. She was just armour. A protective shell keeping the real me disconnected from everyone else – because everyone else could harm me.
This kind of disconnection is deeper than any sense of loneliness. The unfulfilled need to connect with others; to find a place where I belonged, a place where I was accepted and loved, distorted all my understandings and perceptions. I hated my body because if I were more beautiful, I would be loved. I hated my behaviours because if I behaved the way people wanted me to I would be loved. I hated the society I wanted so much to be part of because I didn’t belong. And most of all, I hated myself because I didn’t know how to be what would make me lovable.
Until one day, in spite of all my challenges, rejections and attempts to stop them, somebody saw beyond my armour. Saw my true self and offered me love. Unconditional, accepting, undemanding, unquestioning, faithful, radiantly beautiful love and the unbelievable joy of realisation stopped my breath and jolted my heart with a sudden knowing and my soul incredulously whispered, “I am loved”.
At that moment the barriers crumbled, and in spite of my fear, my real life began.
I wrote that a couple of years ago. The effect of what had happened was so profound that I just had to write it down. All it took was one moment of recognition, one brief connection when someone saw me, when my true self was genuinely seen, accepted and offered love, and I began my journey to free myself from the emotional pain that I was fighting so hard to bury.
What I didn’t know at the time was the role that finding and reconnecting with my true self had to play in finding that freedom.
Thankfully I have been lucky enough to be able to work with a simply magnificent woman. She won’t tell you just how amazing the work she does is. So I will.
It’s hard not to sound gimmicky and clichéd, but My Map to Freedom really is that. It’s simple, it works, and it is literally transformational and because of it I have learned how to connect with my true self, who I really am and am learning how to live the life I was always meant to have – the one I didn’t even know was missing!
This ability to be my true self has brought me such enormous relief. I am no longer trapped and have an inner freedom that leaves me feeling grounded, at peace with who I am, and I can find my way home when I get lost. And I do get lost. I’m human and I struggle with something every day.
It’s hard to put into writing what is essentially something you have to experience for yourself, but as I’m writing about it I can feel the presence of my true self and it is joyous, peaceful, powerful and ….well, it feels like coming home. Living life as my true self has brought me release, profound peace and happiness.
I started writing this with the intention of pulling it all together at the end with a clever ‘call to action’ or an inspirational message, but I just want to people to know that it doesn’t matter what happens or has happened in your life, you can find your peace and happiness. It’s already yours. You just haven’t found it yet. You just need a map.