• Jane Douglas

Successful Relationships - Does Depth = Length?


I have noticed that relationships struggle because there is a different level of commitment from each side. The unwillingness to commit sometimes shows up at a surface level as an unwillingness to move in together, get married or have children. But, when we are talking about successful relationships, that’s only the surface of the problem and is not really what it’s about. Not really.


Some relationships survive with both people being happy bobbing along the surface of things, getting on with the day to day business of life. Other relationships seek to have more depth, more intimacy, more soul to soul connection and it is the depths we desire that differ wildly in each of us. Some of us want to take a really deep dive, some of us want to go in up to our necks, some just up to their knees.


It seems we all want or need a different DEPTH of commitment in terms of its intimacy. Its soul to soul connection.


When an important relationship ends, we often feel, abandoned and betrayed. Often, we resort to blaming others, the world or ourselves but I suspect It is the depths both parties are willing to go that decides the length of the relationship. If you both go to the same depth, then the chances are that your relationship will be a place in which you not only find love but also growth. If one of you wants more depth than the other you may find yourselves drifting apart because the person wanting more depth will lower their defences and show up, the other will not.




Jane Douglas


#fulfilment #emotional wounds