• Jane Douglas

Are you an ‘I’m OK’ Junkie?


When you were born you were completely open. You were exuberant and flamboyant, you were curious, adventurous and limitless. When you were sad you cried, when you were happy you laughed. You were not afraid to show EVERYONE around you how you felt.


Then as you grew up something curious started to happen. You started to use the phrase ‘I’m OK’ even when you weren’t.


By the time you became an adult, you had OK’d yourself down to a fraction of what you started with and become an ‘I’m OK junkie’. You did, and continue to do this because you think this is what you need to do to fit in and for others to like you, to love you or to work with you.


We waste a huge amount of our daily energy maintaining an appearance of being OK, being fine and being on top of things. We exhaust ourselves keeping our ‘I’m OK’ mask in place and living from a place where we are limited, confined and contained.


We tell each other we want to be open and honest about how we feel, but in reality we dread it.


More seriously, you will have started to believe your own propaganda. Actually believing that you really are OK, when in fact you really are not.  The fact is that many of us have OK’d ourselves into avoiding feeling anything at all.


In our culture we have been taught that feeling uncomfortable or distressed is not OK. We have bought in to the myth that we must avoid the uncomfortable and always maintain the comfortable. As a result we have become phobic about even having uncomfortable feelings, and the thought of sharing them is enough to send us running for cover. We avoid the ‘uncomfortable’ because it’s not okay, and consequently avoid any painful emotions.


Each time we escape into okayness, we pull ourselves out of being present to what is happening in the moment. But if you look closely, you know that the half the treasure in your life is to be found outside of your okayness. In being present in the places where you feel challenged, nervous or downright scared. In being present to situations where you are called to grow, forgive or question yourself. This is where the joy, spontaneity and juice of life resides, and you can only experience this when you are prepared to be present to whatever it is you are feeling.


If you want to be free, you must feel the thing that you are afraid to feel.


To get more out of life means being honest ALL THE TIME, even when it is not easy and even when someone might not like you for it.


So this week I challenge you to notice how often you escape from being present to your discomfort of fear and tell someone you know that you are OK when you aren’t. Be present to your fear of not being liked, not good enough or not being safe and never use the phrase “I’m OK” when you’re not.


Jane Douglas


#truth #authenticity #TrueSelf #Wellbeing #EmotionalWounds #PresentMoment